Going Home

That was then, and this is now. I am going home.


Sometimes you need to release negative energies and complain, commiserate, wallow in your own excrement for a minute before you can let go and move on. It took me over a month to be able to write my last blog post - considering the gap between entries, I was so incredibly busy with all aspects of the show (planning, practicing, organizing, making gigantic elaborate costumes and headdresses) that the blow of not being able to perform hit me pretty hard and I could barely process the chain of events from June into July for awhile, much less write about them and show off my hard work (that was almost a complete bust.) Almost two months later, just a few days ago, I was able to post that last entry after many previous attempts at completing it. And I miss writing here in my Perfect World... but discouragement and despair are not emotions I can allow myself to dwell on for very long. Because baby, I am going HOME!

Just a few more days and I'll see you in the dust. Today, right now, packing is the last thing I want to do... I had a shitty night of sleep, my body aches, and my nose is stuffy. I am praying this will pass, quickly, and I can make my journey without any of the million issues that have already tested me. I had all these grand plans to make all these things (clothing, jewelry, hairpieces) before I left and pack super efficiently with all my daytime/nighttime outfits bagged up - the only way to do it, I guess - and all I can say right now is we'll see. We'll see how we actually get out there (travel buddies bailed last minute), we'll see how efficient I get with packing (considering how I feel today) and we'll see if I get around to making anything else (when I kinda just want to go back to bed.)

I'm performing with Aish Tamid, the only East coast conclave accepted this year, and we'll be performing with a group of the most talented performers from Philly around the man before it burns. I think this one was from last year, but to give you an idea how this looks....

I will be one of those tiny fiery dots, as the rest of the festival gathers around for the climax of a week of building, partying, getting extremely dirty and loving it. (Mostly.)

Just a few more days, and I'll be home.

Headdresses, freak weather & PEX Summer Festival

It has been too long, indeed - insanely busy for the month of June preparing for the annual show I perform in and help organize that debuts its newest work at PEX Summer Festival in Darlington, MD. This would have been the fourth year in a row of the festival and the fourth year our group of performers from Philly takes care of the Friday night entertainment. "Would have been," key words, because as it happened the show was cancelled.

I KNOW.

Not by any fault of ours but rather the weather... a massive electrical storm with strong winds was tearing through the Mid-Atlantic and we were almost at call time, every performer psyching themselves up, all dressed up in their costumes and makeup and suddenly my right-hand (wo)man Jexi runs in with a look that I've seen before on her face - and I knew something was wrong. "There's a really bad storm heading straight for us," she tells us, "and the show has been delayed."

We were performing on a stage this time, rather than the uncomfortable concrete slab of the camps aging basketball courts (our "stage" in previous years), and most the performers were getting ready in the cabin directly across the road from the stage. Everyone's smartphones were tracking the weather, Jexi is checking her phone every five minutes for updates from the festival organizers and most of us are out on the cabin porch smoking cigarettes when we realize they are now taking apart the aforementioned stage.

Here we are, 50 miles north of Baltimore off of I-95, and the storm headed our way is a serious one. Serious lightning, high winds, and the threat of hail and flooding have placed the area under a severe storm warning and thousands of people across the Mid-Atlantic have lost their power. The stage is made up almost entirely of metal - so dismantling the super-lightning conductor we were supposed to be standing on was probably the safe thing to do. We waited for awhile, hoping for a near miss and only temporary delay... and it became apparent soon after that our show was not going to happen.

At some point before that I suspected as much and had given up on completing my makeup. What was the point? The rain hadn't started yet, but festival organizers and friends of all levels were racing around on golf carts, shouting into walkie-talkies and warning campers to secure their tents and seek a safe spot to weather the storm. Tons of people had set up their tents underneath the many giant pine trees all over the property. A tornado had ripped through the region not 2 weeks before that night, and the landscape still showed scars from its wrath - also probably why everyone there was taking this storm so seriously.

Just before it started to drizzle, my dance partner Laura dragged me outside to have Adam of Redlite Photos take a few shots of both of us in our headdresses. So here I am, makeup unassuming (normal, even, for me - not what I would have wanted to look like on stage), skin pale, nails raggedy, headdress barely finished and almost in tears because I'm starting to realize that I have lost sleep and sanity, dumping blood, sweat and tears LITERALLY into these fucking headdresses and we are not performing in them tonight. And maybe not at all that weekend. And this is a sad, sad realization for me. And here are the shots from Adam from that exact moment.

 

My animal-hybrid headdress - featuring real feathers, antlers, fur, and more and more and more.

 (Photo courtesy of RedLite Photos)

 

Laura and I (Loco & Coco) posing with our headdresses after learning our show has been cancelled.

Can you sense my lack of enthusiasm about posing for this picture?

(Photo courtesy of RedLite Photos)

My lack of posts in this blog can attest to the magnanimous amount of work I put into practicing, making costumes, and crafting my precious headdresses for The Penny Treats, I hope. The night of our cancelled show was the start of a weekend festival that became an unforgiving emotional rollercoaster.

Are we rescheduling the show? How can we make this work? What are we going to do? And WHY THE FUCK DID I BUST MY ASS for nothing??

Because you never know, because there was no rain plan -  because we are at the mercy of our mother earth and sometimes she messes with us. Sometimes she teaches us a lesson. Sometimes things happen for a reason that you will figure out later, but until then you will barely manage to survive this overwhelmingly emotional weekend, darting back and forth between interminable disappointment and crazed motivation, only made worse by the intense heat, sudden rainstorms and magnificent lightning. (Though the downpour on us that Friday night was expected, the lightning storm was like nothing I have ever seen, including lightning from a category 5 hurricane. It was non-stop, for several hours, with no thunder clap to remind us of the distance away and no break in flashes, often gigantic and reaching as far as the eye could see.)

I made the decision the next evening to wear my headdress in the opening ceremony for the effigy burn. Maybe I singed some feathers, and maybe I lost some bejewels along the way - but at least I got to wear it and perform. It took some convincing from friends and some blind trust in myself (that I wouldn't completely destroy the thing I had spent hours and hours creating.) Below are a few shots from my performance that night. I just happened to be RIGHT in front of a group of photographers. Lucky me. :)

 

Spinning fire fans before the burn wearing my headdress. Finally.

This shot and the black and white are used courtesy of Eraj Asadi.

(Thank you again for the fantastic pictures!)

 

 

Photo courtesy of Jemma Stember-Young

I have waited far too long to post this - so I'll end here and be back BEFORE the big beautiful burn in the desert with some pre-Playa musings.

Despite & Considering...

 

Laughing onstage at Karnival with my dance partner Jexi because our flames are completely out.

Image courtesy of  Redlite Photos (view the rest of the set on Facebook here)

Because sometimes, no matter how prepared you are, how many times you practiced leading up to this night and even if you're just crossing your fingers that you won't make a mistake (and with what I do, can potentially involve burns and other hazardous incidents) ... you just have to laugh. You might as well smile up there, because despite all your preparedness, "technical difficulties" happen and it's not always how you wanted it to be.

No bashing necessary - I got that out of my system later that night. These things happen, and all I can say was that it was an excellent chance to have a dress rehearsal of our piece before PEX Summer Festival. The weather held out, it didn't pour down rain on us and even let up by the time anyone had to perform on stage. No one dropped their fans or forgot the choreography. Considering our fans went out with 1/3 song left (the music didn't quite get started when we wanted it to, leaving us standing there waiting for the cue, forced to wave our fans about just to get the heat off our hands...) we did pretty freaking good. I'm proud of my fellow Lux Arati ladies, love you all bunches and LOVE performing with you no matter what.

(Considering also, that the entire day leading up to that night was a royal headache - had to stay late at work, then my car wouldn't start, rushing to finish my bra for this costume and not even getting there on time... I'd say despite everything, somehow it was still a success?)

Another shot of our performance by Redlite Photos. Note the half burnt out wicks. :)

This makes me even more excited for the summer and beyond. (Just wait till you catch a glimpse of what The Penny Treats have up their sleeve.)

Dangerous & Exciting things: Fire, Karnival, and Russian Roulette

April is flying by, my friends. Feels like the First Friday show just happened, but the month is almost over.

I've been taking a break from fine art and general painting, for the most part -- my post-art-show decompression activities have included practices, rehearsals and/or meetings nearly every night of the week in preparation for upcoming performances and shows. By day I'm a brunch slinging, cappucino crafting barista... then I spend countless hours concocting and calculating the perfect balance of visual psychedelic geometric dreamscapes in oils and acrylics... by night I'm a fire twirling, feather teasing alter-ego of myself on stage and in my "spare time" (what's that, again?)  I'm customizing said alter-egos showstopping threads from old tired garments and thrift store scores... all while planning a 45 minute, prime night & time fire variety show for a festival of a few thousand attendees.

Scorch Fire Show, PEX Summer Festival 2010 - performing the opening number, "Shiva." 

Photo by Oscar P.

It's that time of year again and planning for the summer's festivities, including the now legendary PEX Summer Festival has begun. Though it started with a disorganized dream, four years later we find ourselves for the first time keeping the exact same show name and administrative team - the Russian Roulette Variety Show, featuring the hottest, most talented troupes and performers from Philadelphia (and beyond) showcasing their newest work every year at PEX Summer Fest in the coveted Friday night spot. I am proud to announce that The Russian Roulette Variety Show is now accepting submissions for performers as well, which you can do by filling out the form here.

 A shot from behind the "stage" - Scorch Fire Show,  PEX Summer Festival 2010. Jexime Icon performing her fire fan solo in front of the Shiva fire sculpture (built for the show by Vinny Gasper, funded by a grant from PEX.)

 Photo by Emily Watson.

 Scorch Fire Show, PEX Summer Festival 2010 - performing the opening number, "Shiva." 

Photo by Emily Watson.  

R.R.V.S., please be advised, is a variety show - meaning there is no performance genre too weird (or too normal either, I suppose) to be considered. But performers be advised - if you haven't already begun working on the piece you are thinking of submitting, you may be out of luck. Giving that the festival is only a few months away, we are looking for troupes and performers that already have their shit together, to put it bluntly. Along with filling out the application form, you are required to submit a video to us of your current progress for your specific performance for the show. (Even if it's rough, even if you don't have it 100% figured out, we need to see it. Apparently some folks don't understand this concept.) Chances are if you haven't started working on this already, it might not be "done" in time for PEX. If this is your situation, don't fret - this is not the first, nor the last show from Russian Roulette. If you really want to put in the effort, chances are you will be able to be part of this magnificent and magnanimous show.



Why are we implementing such specific guidelines and demanding requirements for Russian Roulette? It's very simple - for one, of course, we want our show to be the best it can be. Keeping the acts interesting, different... the choreography polished, the music varied, making sure the entire show flows in a way that will keep our audience eagerly awaiting the next act. No awkward pauses between acts, no boring 7 minute solo acts with the same prop, NO intermission (people just get up and leave) and of course, no one catching on fire. (Very important.) Most of us involved on the administrative team have been doing a similar show for the past few years, and we've made the mistakes we needed to make to learn from them... this "disorganized dream" that wasn't even my own, when it began, has come a long way. (When I first got involved and the summer festival was in it's infancy - I was very very new to fire, to performing, to PEX, to everything - but, felt drawn to do it still, knowing that I had a very different but useful range of experience under my belt and in my heart I could make these shows better than they would otherwise be.)

Here is a great video by Hedy Sirico from 2010's PEX Summer Fest 

performance of Scorch Fire Show.

Anyway, myself and the rest of the R.R.V.S. admin team are busting our asses right now (we don't get paid for this, remember) to put on another fabulous show this summer. I absolutely consider this another part of my "art", it just happens to be within a different genre.

  

Lux Arati performing at PEX Summer Festival in 2011 as part of The Russian Roulette Variety Show. 

Lux Arati performing at PEX Summer Festival in 2011 as part of The Russian Roulette Variety Show. (Not sure who took these photos - apologies for not giving due credit. If this is yours please contact me ASAP and I will get on that.)

This weekend - Saturday night - I will be performing with both of my groups, Lux Arati and The Penny Treats at Karnival. The Penny Treats are performing an old number that we've reworked (think- red feather fans...) and Lux Arati is debuting something brand new, totally mind-blowing and maybe still in-progress. I like to think of this show as a dress rehearsal for PEX Summer Fest and R.R.V.S. -- although I hope it will still be as kick-ass as it should be. For once, I picked the track we're performing to - "All Alone" by Gorillaz. It happened to be on a mix CD in my car, one of the only CD's it felt like playing for awhile, and I must have listened to it on repeat for a week before playing it for my girls. It's a little electronic, a little hip hop, and a little booty shakin' action, little bit of BOUNCE-WIGGLE-BOUNCE... all that... plus bellydancing with fire fans? Holy shitballs. This is gonna be quite a spectacle. Watch out... literally, because some of the moves are pretty complicated and if we drop our flaming fans on you, it may burn a little. Might sting a bit.

 Lux Arati fire montage - poster for Karnival, April 28th at the Arts Garage in Philly.

On that note, I REALLY have to work on my costume for tomorrow. Click on this link to get to the Facebook event for Karnival. Here are some of the bangin' posters for the event featuring yours truly. I will post relevant media when I have it available.

(Oooh la la!)

Masterpieces, minutes and the moon

"An artists only concern is to shoot for some kind of perfection,
and on his own terms, not anyone else's."
(J.D. Salinger)

A great big huge THANK YOU to everyone that came out for First Friday. And an extra special thanks to Terrence Laragione at Buzz Cafe for hosting, and my fabulous husband Alex for helping me out with every little thing.

In total, I managed to get roughly 5 new paintings finished in time for the show. And three paintings "sold", including two that several friends of mine were fighting over. I say "sold" in quotations because I haven't received payment for these paintings yet, nor have they actually left the show to be in the hands of their new owners. (But they will be, and have been marked as such.) There were no actual fights, but some cash did get thrown at me at one point. I wasn't really prepared to sell anything on the spot. In fact, I'm lucky I got there dressed (half an hour after the official start time) and that all my paintings were hanging where they should be. With tags, frames and hardware. If it wasn't for the last minute... I would never, ever, get anything done. My mantra for life, apparently.

I'm also very happy to announce the (sans a few minor touch-ups) COMPLETION, yes, it's finished - of this monstrous painting that has been consuming my life for over a year now. It's done, and my plan was to give it to it's new owners right after the opening. Alas, that situation is now also complicated, so for now it's on display in Buzz Cafe.

And here is my beauty, my masterpiece, my magnum opus... ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you in it's finally finished state -

The Honeycomb Merkaba.

The commissioned painting that I've been working on for over a year.
"The Honeycomb Merkaba" / 30" x 40" /oil, mixed media on canvas.

I've been meaning to write something - it's own special little artist's statement - about this painting. It deserves it, after this long - after studying, scrutinizing every line, shade and tone over a billion times. I want to be able to explain it better, and taking some time to figure out exactly what it's about and what it means would serve me well I think. I've started, written a few words and began looking through the notes I took in my many stages of planning and reworking... and of course, the numerous in-progress posts here in my blog. I took plenty of pictures throughout this process, although after the fact I wish they had all been standardized (all on the same wall or in the same kind of lighting setup) so I could turn them into some kind of gif or animation. I think I can still work out some kind of presentation of what I have where you can really literally see it changing and things being added and taken away. It just won't look as nice as it could have.

"Puerto Rico #1" / 16" x 20" /oil on canvas (NEW)
— at Buzz Cafe Philly.

Another piece that was finally completed in time for the show. Not three days before I was working on it, "touching it up", and inadvertently repainted nearly the entire thing. (Ooops. It's done though, now. Promise.) It does look, finally, how I wanted it to. It feels like Puerto Rico to me, that moment sitting on the balcony, the ocean seconds away, rum and ice clinging in the glass he's holding. Palm trees just out of view, blowing in the warm breeze. It's #1 because obviously I intend to paint more from this one and only vacation my husband and I have taken together. So it goes.

"Organic/Chemical/Mechanical" / 12" x 24"/ oil, paint marker on canvas (left)
and "Tree of Life" / 19" x 11.5" / acrylic on wood (right)

More new pieces on display. The one on the right I've posted before, and the one on the left was another one finished just in time, with a custom frame made for it by my wonderful hubby.

That painting, Organic/Chemical/Mechanical, started as an experiment, a side project using up extra paint in between working on The Honeycomb Merkaba. It was, originally, inspired by crop circle formations, though it has come a long way from where it began. I used a similar method of combining oil-based paint markers and oil paint (shh, my "secret" weapon) as I did in Honeycomb. And for some reason, people really liked it.

I never expected it to turn out so well (a side note, the colors don't show up as well in the photo here as they are in real life) and never expected one of my friends to want to buy it, for the sticker price too, during my show that very night. Problem was, I was working on it a month or two ago, and another friend of mine who happened to be at our house at that moment, expressed his interest for it as well. I threw out a (too low, apparently) price, his feedback inadvertently provided inspiration for the title, and I said... "It's not done. You can't have it yet, and yes if you show up with a wad of cash wanting to buy it, it's yours." That is, until I actually finished it, had a custom frame made for it, and priced it at least $100+ higher than that number for the show. I figured, not thinking it would happen, that if someone offered me that much more for the same painting (closer to what it's worth to me to sell it for) then I'd have to take it. I am trying to do this, aren't I? I put these extravagant prices, sometimes, on these paintings I end up loving intensely, thinking that whoever wants to rip this one out of my hands had better fork over enough money to satisfy my loss. Then I end up almost giving them away to dear friends, causing problems when I'm actually put in a position to make real money off my work. Le sigh, le sigh. Maybe someday, all my paintings will be worth thousands and thousands of dollars, and I'll still give them away to my friends. (Don't know you? Pay up, bitches.)

You can view the rest of the pictures from First Friday here (uploaded to my Flickr account) or here on my Art by Xtina Facebook page.

Though the show is over (it is still up through the end of April and probably most of May) there is no shortage of things on my to-do list. It's spring now, and festival season is upon us and the best weather for performing is already here. Almost every night of the week I have rehearsals or meetings, practicing fiery belly dancing with the Lux Arati ladies or burlesque with "Loco" for The Penny Treats, not to mention plotting and planning an entire variety show for PEX Summer Festival. More info on all of that to come. The next performance, and I'll post the poster & more information for it soon, is Saturday April 28th where both my dance groups are performing at Bangarang's annual Karnival bash at the Art's Garage here in Philly.

Whew. So much going on, barely enough time to breathe before the next project or event. Occasionally I need to take a moment and obsess over something more simple - like the moon, my night time sister, my astrological planet and the inspiration for my first tattoo. Not the last full moon, but the full moon before THAT - we were heading home from somewhere right after it got dark and noticed this gigantic, gorgeous orange wheel o' cheese sitting on the horizon. We rushed home and grabbed the good camera, tripods & telephoto lens, and ran out after it. We never caught the gigantic, orange beast hanging in the sky, but we did obsessively take some pretty interesting pictures of the full moon and some thick, fluffy clouds that night. Till quite late, I believe. Here is one.



On that note, a very successful show this month and a busy performing season ahead. Bring it on, world. I'm ready.

Gearing up for First Friday @ Buzz Cafe

Poster design for First Friday.

Less than a week away, I am busy as hell trying to finish a bunch of new paintings and prepare for my next First Friday event. So far I've thrown together designs for a 2-sided flyer (printed, though I still need to distribute my half around the neighborhood this week) and turned that into a 11x17 poster, which I just picked up from the printer and dropped off to the cafe. Though time consuming (working on those kinds of things sucks me into the computer for hours and hours) I still find it kind of fun - but it distracts me from the things I really need to do to get ready for this show. Make sure my work is finished and ready to hang!

Here is the front (left image) and back (right) of the flyer.

The biggest accomplishment I'm trying to get done by Friday's show is the completion of my year-and-a-month long painting of which I have referenced endlessly on this blog - "Honeycomb Merkaba". I really, really want to get it finished, hang it up for the opening and pass it on to it's new owners. It's truly, really, almost there. (I swear.) As long as I finish up any of the painting with oils by today, it will hopefully be dry by hanging time on Thursday afternoon. Crossing my fingers.

Just came back from visiting my parents in sunny tropical Miami, Florida - still recovering from my mini-vacation. I had to go straight back to work Saturday and Sunday, so today has been my first day off - and I needed to sleep in. Thankfully, the fabulous cafe that I am exhibiting my work at is not only a) literally down the street from my house but b) serves delicious, strong coffee, that which I am currently consuming. Not sure when I became such a coffee fiend, but it's necessary for gettin' er done, which needs to be my mantra for the next few days.

So here we go. The clock is ticking and the daylight remaining on this sunny Monday afternoon is waning. My paintings behind me are calling my name (only I can hear it), begging me to work on them just a little more to make them as close to perfect as I can muster before exposing them to the rest of the world.

Let me also remind my readers that the official afterparty for my show will be held at Frank's Kitchens. If you've never been to a First Friday at Frank's... well, you've been missing out.

Thanks to Tom Carr and the rest of the Frank's crew.

SO - if you live in the City of Brotherly Love, please make it out this week to an epic duo of First Friday events, both taking place in the culturally creative lower class mecca, the gorgeously ghetto-ass neighborhood of Kensington. Just north of Northern Liberties, just west of Fishtown. The only place that unestablished artists can find affordable rent, much less a studio to do their work in. Where we have lived (happily) for nearly 5 years now, and where I will be showing my work starting this Friday for the next two months.

Please RSVP to the Facebook event for my show by clicking here, and while you're at it RSVP to the afterparty hosted by Frank's Kitchens, located just a few blocks away.

DIY Graphics + April First Friday @ Buzz Cafe

First Friday show confirmed for April 6th at Buzz Cafe!

Did you know that, in a past life, I was a graphic designer?

Actually, it wasn't a past life. Just a long time ago, back in the days of Photoshop 4... when GD was referred to sometimes as "Commercial Design", back before everyone had a Mac, back when the talent for such things was rare and you really could make a career out of it. (I exaggerate, of course. I have plenty of talented friends making good money as designers right now in 2012. There are of course, far too many of the other variety as well.)

Quick graphic I made today for my Art by Xtina Facebook page cover image.

Anyway, just wanted to post some pretty images to keep it moving over here. I spent most of today running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to prepare for a performance tonight at the Addy Awards - spinning fire for Philadelphia's finest designers and advertising crews along side the fabulous kinetic sculptures of Frank's Kitchens.

And the connections get smaller: for the First Friday show at Buzz Cafe, the start of my flyer design (and cover to the Facebook event page, which you can RSVP to by clicking here - more info coming soon, of course) which will be (hopefully) held in conjunction with Frank's Kitchens First Friday event on the same date. April 6th is going to be a great night for local arts in Kensington. I will share the rest of my exciting plans for this special spring art event once I have everything figured out.

Plague of Poppies/ 9" x 12" / acrylic on hardboard

Till then, I'll leave you with a new photo of a not-so-new painting I titled Plague of Poppies. (Also partially featured in the graphic for Facebook, above.) This was a small side project I worked on in the beginning stages of The Honeycomb Merkaba painting, when I was still obsessively drawing hexagons. The flowers are the interesting part - one of my first obsessive subject matters, I've been enthralled with and fascinated by everything from their colors and symbolism to their medicinal properties. Poppies in particular play some small roles in older paintings and projects, but in this little sketch they are the focus. Though the size and amount of time invested make it feel more like an exercise, I was happy enough with how it came out to include it in my show last summer alongside Kristin for Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.

Before the end of the month, I'll be posting more artwork photos, details about my First Friday show, and hopefully a finished painting or three. Especially the BIG 'UN. (I can't wait to put all the in progress shots of that painting next to one another! ) More hexagons, please.